I really don't know much of anything at all...

I have spent most of today reflecting on the ever evolving time I have spent here trying to figure out when things change exactly, when it went from being excited to being a new life, to actually living that life. When it went from everything being so new and my time here seeming unending, to beginning to wonder where I will store my stuff, how will I ever get everything home. It is five months away but over the past week I have realized it is haunting me on a day to day basis and now I am determined to find a cure for this anxious feeling that it is giving me.

I think a lot of it has to do with this kind of standstill I am finding myself in this week, the odd feelings that come with returning from any vacation, when you don't know if you can actually return to work, when you don't really want to be around anyone and when you really don't know much of anything at all. I give myself until Monday.

This week has actually been an enlightening one. I have realized that I love editing, I love the complexity of the English language, and although the word Grammar is gross, I love it. I love making proper sentences out of garbled ones and I love taking a simple sentence and making it complex using nothing other than words and punctuation. I know, this is all crazy talk, however, this is why I am coming to realize that I love editing. I looked at one of my students today, who, for the first time wrote a complete sentence (in terms of a six year old who is learning a second language). "Because I was sick I did not go to school." My first reaction, edit edit edit....I was sick today so I did not go to school. I began to let the words "you never begin a sentence with because" escape my mouth and remembered....NO.....it is OK. I am struggling with abandoning all that was drilled into my head growing up regarding sentence structure and word placement, not beginning with and, and certainly, in most cases, never, when listing things, put a comma after or before the and, i.e. I carried my bag, books, pencil, and shoes to school. It makes me cringe, but, I am learning to forget until it matters. Teaching a seven year old how to properly list things when they are struggling with "my name is chaley" and yes his teacher has taught him to spell it that way, just isn't fair.

And so...today I decided a few things: I would love to be a chef- this coming from reading a Time Magazine article on Julia Child's and her fabulous and interesting life. I would love to be an editor- this coming from my love of editing- obviously. My desire to write for a travel magazine- why not combine my two favorite things, writing and traveling. I miss the restaurant industry- I think I long to eat out simply to be in the environment- even though it is so different here. And what did I do with all of these thoughts and desires? Well, I applied for a teaching job in Korea for next year- I can write, freelance for a travel magazine on my holidays, read some good cooking magazines and decide if that is for me, while finding fabulous things and places where ever I am.

Another garbled mess!