diamonds?

I don't know what it was today but something brought me back to a morning in July, maybe it was the funny mood I woke up in, the funny mood that makes Daniel crazy, but something happened that brought me back to July 11.

It was a morning when I woke up next to Daniel in Lindsey's room while he was visiting on a summer break and he looked at me and asked "what do you want for your birthday?".

I had answered this question more than a few times in the weeks prior to this morning, on the beach, in Boston, over a few drinks. On this morning however, I let "I want diamonds" slip out between my lips.
"Really?" he asked looking a bit perplexed and relaxed all in the same motion, "Really" I answered in the high pitch tone I have taken on in Korea when saying that word, usually replacing the "r" with a "l".
"Well then lets go look at diamonds."
Trying to act as if there weren't 400 butterflies running rampant in my stomach I quickly took a shower and got dressed. Not knowing what the day would bring I called my mother, snuck onto the back porch and whispered in the phone.."we are going to look at diamonds".

Twenty minutes later I found myself in a quaint jewelery store, or more boutique, a place where each ring is one of a kind, no two rings are the same. I had seen rings in magazines which I always thought would be the one I would one day have placed on my finger, but after looking at the second ring, in the first case, two rows down from the top, I knew it was that ring I wanted to have on my finger forever. Always having been a woman who isn't affected by diamonds in the way many girls are, never wishing I had one and never spending alot of money on jewelry becuase I was fearful I would lose it, I wasn't aware of the feeling that comes with finding a piece of jewelry, one that will hold so much meaning and is breathtakingly beautiful. I then knew as I placed the ring on my finger that feeling.

Moments later the ring went back in the case, we walked out of the boutique and my heart stayed behind? I walked out on to the sidewalk trying to hide my disapointment wondering if this was all a surreal dream, was the man I had fallen in love with simply playing with my heart? Was this some crazy joke, a joke on my pretend birthday day.

We went to lunch and spoke of...I don't remember, I don't remember because I think I was still thinking about the ring. I was still thinking about whether I wanted to spend my life with him...something I hadn't even thought of prior to that morning, only three hours before I found myself in that jewelry store.
Was I crazy? We had been together for five months. We had only met each other nine months before that morning when I walked into the library in a country I had been in only a week and saw him standing behind a pile of books. I had gone into that library every day for three weeks after that, looking to run into the handsome boy in the grey jumper. Over the next few months we would see each other, each time a smile swept across our faces in the sort of way that your eyes know to blink, we didnt tell ourselved to smile, it was the only reaction we knew.
Now that the thought had been dangled in front of me and ripped away in one fluid motion, I realized I did want that. I realized that the comfort, attraction and affection I felt for him was genuine and not the unhealthy forced feelings I had felt in the past.I was sure...I wanted to spend my days and my nights with him, I wanted to grow old with him and most imporatantly, I wanted to love him forever.

We finished our lunches and headed to one of my favorite restaurants for some drinks, a restaurant that sits two brick sidewalks and one one lane road across from the jewelry store. We ordered our drinks and talked of our dinner plans for that evening, where we would eat, what we would do and in the middle of a normal pause in any conversation he looked at me and said "I want to buy that ring for you. I want to marry you".
Usually, I am someone that cant say "OK, this is what I want". This time however, I just sat silently and nodded my head.
"I'm going to go see how long it would take for them to make it your size."
And off he went, walking across the street and into the store leaving me with the summer breeze blowing in my face.

I ordered another sangria and nervously drank it quickly. As I was finishing it I saw him emerge from the store a few minutes later.
" Go see what size you are."
"Huh?" I asked, the butterflies becoming anxious to escape.
"It will take an hour. Just go."
And off I went. Walking across the street and into the store.
The man had barely got the ring back in the case when he saw me walk in, smiling, slowly losing the ability to contain my excitement. He sized my finger, smiled and I walked back across the street to where he sat, in the open doorway of the restaurant.
"All set?" He asked.
"Yes" I answered.
"I'm going to go buy the ring" he said as he got up from his stool.
And he got up, walked across the street and into the store leaving me in the doorway of the the restaurant all over again.
Through the door and around the glare of the summer sun I could see only his reflection. I could see him pacing, I could see him giving a card, questioning the card, looking for another card and then I saw him leave the store, empty hands and head hung in defeat, my heart sank. Had he changed his mind in the five minutes since he left me?
"It wouldn't work. My card wouldn't work" he stated, disapointment seeping from his voice.

A quick trip to the bank to assure the overseas company that this wasn't a "suspicious" transaction and we were right back where we began. I was in the doorway of that restaurant, sangria in hand with the cool dusk air blowing on me as he was walking away, across the street and in to the store. I sat anxious, wondering if this was all a dream, yes we are both impulsive people, but...come on.
Before I was able to rationalize anything in my head I realized I had found the most amazing man while running in search of myself. I had abandoned all I knew only nine months before this moment, I had run searching for an answer and escaping my own demons, looking for everything but love for once in my life. And...what I found was amazing...my best friend. A man who treats me with respect, kindness and with whom I feel safe from the world. A man who I respect and who I look to with respet and admiration. A man who loves me for everything I am and I the same.
He reappeared, bag in hand and I instantly awoke from my haze,
"You cannot tell anyone about this. I have to ask your father and I will do that first. Seriously."
"Can I tell my mom?"
"No, no one", he answered in a stern and shaky voice.

We arrived back at my parents house to shower and get ready for dinner. I walked in, smiling ear to ear, letting the butterflies I had held captive all afternoon encircle me. "Come with me" I whispered as I leaned over my mothers shoulder.
The following hours were spent enjoying amazing champagne and amazing food, enjoying each other and the decion we had made together, enjoying some of our last hours together before we were separated for 2 months and rationalizing how he was going to go about telling my father.
Hours later he sat on my porch with my father. My mother and I sat in the bathroom, peeking out the window, watching as his face turned a little more pink, as he rubbed his hands on his jeans a little harder and as he began to speak in a more broken and anxious tone. In the midst of a pause in conversation he stated "I want to marry your daughter."
"You what?" The look on my fathers face was one of disbelief and immediate stress. "Are you serious?"
"Yes, I want to marry her. I love her."
"I'm going to bed. Goodnight". And my father got up and walked across the deck making it into the house and into the kitchen with Daniel behind him "Ray, wait, you cant go to bed."
My father realized that indeed he was serious, returned to the porch and they talked and laughed.
An hour later I found myself with Daniel kneeling in front of me...asking...
"Would you marry me?"