I figured I would take tonight to write and gather myself, to try and plow through the writers block I have found myself in these past few weeks. For the first time in a month I have stopped, looked around and begun to reflect on what is happening around me. Of course, it didn't happen, the block wont dissipate just because i want it to and i have accomplished nothing that I wanted to tonight. I also think it is because it isn't really a block I am in, but rather a persistent voice in my head refusing to let me be honest with myself. You can only really write what you know and figuring that out is often the hardest part.
Coming in to this place in my life I swore off love, I swore off feeling anything for anyone and more so letting myself get attached to anyone in any way. I have now realized that this is both no way to live your life and in no way possible when you are a Cancer, a nurturer by nature, and that although there was a bad fish in your pond, that doesn't necessarily mean that they have all be soured.
Over the past few weeks my soul has kind of been cleansed, my mind has become more at ease and I have gained back some of ability to trust that I had lost. I have that giddy...cant wait until we meet again....middle school like butterfly feeling that I live for, that everyone lives for (i think so at least). What fun is life if you don't have someone to giggle with, to poke fun at and with whom to poke fun at the world with?
Although my life is in a sort of volley, back and forth between everything I thought I knew and the world ahead that I am trying to get a feel for, although I don't have a word that is proper in accordance with the standards society places around relationships to assign to this, right now, in this moment, I am genuinely happy, for the first time in a long time and that is enough for me. Simply happy.
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